


All I Ever Wanted, You.

by zaidnovi



Category: Supernatural, crowstiel - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Some of them, but still cannon situations, sightly off cannon, someone help i cannot explain, those two dumb dumbs know they love each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:06:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3977410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaidnovi/pseuds/zaidnovi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let me wake up in your arms, hear you say it's not alright. Let me be so dead and gone, So far away from life.<br/>Close my eyes<br/>Hold me tight<br/>And bury me deep inside your heart</p>
<p>All I ever wanted was you, my love. You're all I ever wanted is you, my love (HIM)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is no turning back from this unending path of mine  
> Serpentine and black it stands before my eyes  
> To hell and back it will lead me once more  
> It's all I have as I stumble in and out of grace  
> With every step I take the less i know myself  
> Every vow I break on my way towards your heart  
> Countless times I’ve prayed for forgiveness  
> But gods just laugh at my face  
> And this path remains  
> Leading me into solitude's arms” (The Path, HIM)

The open road sits in front of him, they have stopped for a quick break while Hannah complains about not understanding the map and why the need to be driving, why can they just sap themselves as any other Angel, after all Castiel has now grace in him. Castiel closes his eyes while listening to her wondering why the word from Crowley have that effect on him, they shouldn't, he is a demon after all. The scene keeps playing in his head like a broken record muting Hannah complains. Crowley had save them both, replenish even if with a stolen one, and tell him to go back to Dean, why. That was the question he had been to scare to asked.  
They stop at a motel, and after having dinner or more like he having dinner Hannah sitting in front of him with a frown on her face, they take a room. She lays on the bed staring at the ceiling, and Cas is waiting for the first complain to be fired at him. Is worthless to try in sleep his mind is a tangle of questions or if we have to be honest only one. He steps out of the room, stating he needs air, made his way to the car, only to keep on walking. His hand plays with the phone on his pocket, he finds a bench on the near park.  
“Hello...”- His voice is long gone now, this was a bad idea, he shouldn't have.- “Hello, am waiting and I don't like to keep waiting, so I swear to whoever is still running the show upstairs I would snap you in two if you don't answer now.”  
“Crowley, is”- Why is his heart pounding, his heart shouldn't be pounding.  
“Cas? How do you...” -He hears the tone of voice change, from irritated to almost caring.  
“I still got your number, hope you are not that busy. I...” - his heart threaten to come out from his chest, what is he even doing.-”I need to, can we talk.”  
“How is squirrel?” -We waited for the wrath to come out at him, with questions such as how can you allow this to happen? Why did you took dean away? But none came, instead it was only the sound of a tired sigh. -”You are with them aren't you?”  
“No, but Dean is somehow, alright, but no am not with anymore.” -His heart was pounding; when I say his heart you must remember is just his now, no other soul inhabits it anymore. -“Am in the road with Hannah.” -Why, the question still hanging, why did you do it? What was in it for you?  
“Alright, listen Angel you caught me a bit busy at the moment...” -He lied.  
“Oh, I… I understand. I just wanted to say thank you. For letting Dean come back.”  
“He stop being fun...” _ of course the call had to be about Dean, he almost laughed.- “Good luck.” -He hung up.  
Castiel stood in the other side of his heart racing like a scare rabbit, what had he believed to gain from the call. He had been a fool thinking that the demon care otherwise. He goes back to Hannah, who is sleeping by the time he makes it back. He gets in his bed and closes his eyes, he doesn't sleep at first, somewhere near dawn he starts to dream about silk sheets, musky smells and prickly beard rasping the inside of his thighs. He wakes up to the sound of the bathroom running and Hannah's bed empty. By middle of the morning they take to the road again, two more days till their target.  
The first night they don't stop, Hanna is a full angel so doesn't need to sleep, Castiel in the other hand finds out what is too have insomnia, or more likely he doesn't want to dream; lately they are too painful either nightmare from the war and purgatory or memories of what he believed was a lie. In the middle of the third day on the road he has to stop or he believes he will crash the car, also Hannah does not drive, they stop again. He makes a quick call to Sam to check on Dean, and then drops dead, metaphorical at least. When he wakes up, Hannah is watching the news and informs him that he had a call, he goes outside knowing well the number. The night is crisp and cold and he takes a sit by the stair going to their room.  
“Hello...”  
“Why did you call?”  
“Because you call me a few minutes ago.” -He admits a bit confuse by the sudden question.  
“Don't take me for a fool Castiel, am asking you why did you call the other night.” -His voice sounds aggressive.- “what is it that you want from me?”  
“I wanted to know, why you do it, after all that happen, why Hannah and me?” -To his much astonishment he hears the demon laugh.  
“Where are you?”- Castiel doesn't answer, he is not risking Hannah because of his selfishness.- “Am not doing this over the phone.”- The last was said near his ear, making him jump.- “Am not in the slightest sentimental Castiel, I believed I owned you one from sometime along the road, and that was me paying off.”  
“So, that was it?” -He wants to say he is relieved but deep down he knows he is disappointed, he was hoping for a different answer. The promise of dawn is begging to make his presence and yet is still dark enough.  
“I give up Castiel, go back to heaven, go back to the Winchester's, I...”-The word are cut of his breath by the force of a slamming Angel against his meat suit. At the beginning his brain is to stunt to registers hungry lips against his, nonetheless when it does he attacks back with the same force.  
He opens his eyes and this time the dream of silk and musk are not lies, he wonders how is he going to explain his absence to Hannah only to be shushed by a sleeping demon next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks


	2. The Path 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're hiding your heart away  
> and I am so alone  
> Sleeping the night away  
> the dreams we have are the same  
> and so are we  
> in our search for something more  
> Oh, can't you see  
> it's been here all alone.” The Path “P.S. version” (HIM)

The soft buzz of his phone against his thigh interrupts his night meeting, not necessary an important one but yet any meeting is important no matter how small, if he wants to keep his position he has to stay on top of everything. He looks at the call curiously not a number he recognizes but the Wichester's change number like panties at night.   
“Hello...”-He waits patiently only to be rewarded with breathing on the other end, so there is some one and this someone though it would be fun to prank the King of Hell.- “Hello, am waiting and I don’t like to keep waiting, so I swear to whoever is still running the show upstairs I would snap you in two if you don’t answer now.”   
“Crowley, is...” - He doesn't need a name to go with that voice, many nightmares have that voice.  
“Cas? How do you…”- Are you in trouble he wants to ask, he will stop everything and any one in order to get to him if needed, with a look to Guthrie the meeting gets dismissed. He is alone now and he hopes so is Cas.  
“I, I still got your number, hope you are not that busy, I.. I need, we have to talk.”- He is about to take off, the Angel needs him, his heart is pounding on his chest, the Angel needs him again, he could have call any one and he call him, he still have his number, he then remembers.  
“How is squirrel?”- He waits, but only a tired sigh answers him.- “You are with them aren't you?”- Of course he is, where else could he be.  
“No, Dean is somehow alright, but am not with them anymore.”-So he is alone he could have called them, but he called him.- “I am in the road with Hannah”- So if is not the Winchester's is an other Angel with just how many he has to compete fro his attention. Guthrie pops his head in question as if anything is needed, he dismisses him with a wave of his hand.  
“Alright, listen Angel you caught me in a busy moment...”- He lies, he is standing on the middle of the room waiting for Castiel to call him.  
“Oh, I… I understand. I just wanted to say thank you.”- He hears hesitation on Cas voice, he knows that tone Cas wants to ask something.- “For letting Dean come back to us.”  
“He stopped being fun.”- He knows how harsh his tones sounds, yet he does not care, of course this was about Dean, he plumps himself back on his throne defeated, he wants to start laughing ta himself.- “Good luck.”- He hangs up.  
Needles to say that the next two day are hell in hell, every one looks tired and his mood swifts from bad to worse, and to terrifying at the minimum inquire about it. Even loyal Guthrie seems too tired of him and keeps sending him of to rest. However, one he does not require sleep, and two he does not want to rest, he doesn't want to think about anything but hell and he definitely doesn't want to think about certain Angel.   
Day two finds him, about to get rid of all his demons for having done something he doesn't even know what was it at this point, only to be send to his room by Guthrie. He does leave but Guthrie is the next one on his list, oh yeah. He lies on bed, only to be reminded of how lonely he really is, the phone sit on the table he had stop taking with him to avoid temptation. He stares at it wishing to evaporate it. Carefully, he hits redial on the last call, he waits and the phone goes on until he gets the voice mail, he remembers laughing so hard at Castiel first attempt for voice mail. This one is different to the point, so grown up, he smiles at the sound of that voice. He closes his eyes, is not that late however he doesn't know the time for Castiel, his eyes close, a few minutes later a buzzing startles him to awareness.   
“Hello...”- That voice again, how can it be so good and yet so wrong.  
“Why did you call”- He is done playing games, he wants answers, no matter how bad are they.  
“Because you called a few minutes ago.”-He sounds confused, accused and above all sleepy, he used to adore sleepy Castiel. No, we are not entering enemy territory without knowing intentions first.  
“Do not take me for a fool Castiel, am asking why did you called the other night.”-He allowed his voice to raised to dangerous grounds, he was beyond mad, he was not going to play puppet once more he had dignity for god's sake.  
“I wanted to know why did you do it, after all that happen, why did you saved Hannah and me?”-He sounds sincere enough, nevertheless Crowley wants to slam his head against the nearest wall for actually considering to believe, a laughs scape his lungs and it sounds as tired as they come.  
“Where are you?”- He ask without actually needed an answer he always knows where Cas is. He hears nothing but silence, then with a snap of his fingers he hopes he doesn't get stabbed.- “Am not doing this over the phone.”- He finds Castiel sitting alone at the stairs outside a motel room, and he just can resist, murmuring the words against the Angel ears making him jump.- “Am not in the sightless sentimental Castiel. I believe I owned you one sometime along the road, that was me paying off.”  
“So, that was it?”- He sounds disappointed, making Crowley raise an eyebrow to this childish behavior. Dawn is coming, he moves from the stairs deciding if he should go. He watches Castiel pass a hand through his hair making more unruly than what already is.   
“I give up Castiel, go back to heaven, go back to the Winchester's, I...”- I don't care, I am leaving, I love you. He doesn't get to end the sentence when suddenly there is an Angel coming at him with all his force, this is it he thinks, at least is over and by his hand, he will finally get pace. Yet is the not the pace he was expecting hunger lips are searching for his, and his brain shortcuts for a few seconds only to come back with all his force, his back get slam against a wall and the last thing he registers before sapping himself and the Angel to his private quarters, is the look of disbelief on Hannah's face, however there is a pair of hands roaming under his underwear, so he only smiles at her.  
He knows is probably the middle of the day, he has duties to attend, Guthrie has come by to wake him up, only to leave at the sigh on the bed, he hurried outside and no more sound is hear near the room after that. Castiel sleeps at the crock of his arm, their legs tangled, he opens his eyes temptingly as if expecting to be somewhere else, Crowley feels his heart rate raised, the Angel is beginning to panic or at least he is worried, oh right they left the other Angel behind. This time he is not letting go so easily, this time it has to work.  
“Shh, you are thinking too loud.”-He pulls Castiel tighter, closing his eyes once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks


	3. Slow Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't you know what's out there in the world?  
> Someone has to shield you from the world.  
> Stay with me  
> Princes wait there in the world, it's true.  
> Princes, yes, but wolves and humans, too.  
> Stay at home.  
> I am home.  
> Who out there could love you more than I?  
> Stay with me. (In To The Woods)

Slow mornings don't need an explanation anymore than an excuse. It helps if is cold, makes anyone want stay longer on bed ignoring the clock ticking away the hours. The ceiling fan lazily going around and around, playing with the shadows in the room. The TV has been on since early morning and who cares that the world outside is running inside there is only calm. After all that's happen calm is nothing but welcome.  
“I need to leave, they need me.”- His lover ignores him burying his face deeply on his neck, his prickling bear making his skin crawl with anticipation. He is pretty sure to have hear and I don't care as a response but hos mind is too busy trying to process tracing his ribs.- “Is almost eleven.”- He tries once more.  
“Five more minutes...”- Lips are tracing his jaw while a leg is now temptingly on top of his, he is not getting out of this one easily. Five more minutes how many times has that line been utter since the alarm went on. He feels the hot breathing against his neck, encouraging to stay longer to lower his boundaries.   
“I will get you coffee if you let me go.”- He hopes the answer will still be no, but doesn't say a word, his heart skips a beat when lips crawl to his ear to say “I only want you.”- “Crowley am sure your demons are looking for you by now.”  
“Listen Angel...”- Crowley suddenly moves propping himself on his elbow to have face to face talk, Castiel flinches at the lost of warm.- “I have not see you in months, you come asking, no demanding, for my help and then you cannot spare me five minutes.”  
“Five minutes, and then you will let me go.”- Castiel frowns, while Crowley asks himself if it would be to bold to kiss it away at this point.  
“As if you ever where my prisoner...”- He watches Castiel eyes go soft, those are the ones he saw last night before all the noise and the moans came to visits.- “Five minutes and before you leave you are adding my number on that phone of yours.”- Castiel smiles but raises his eyebrow in defiance.  
“Five minutes.”- He states more like a promise than a warning, closing his eyes once more allowing his lover to do his worst.  
Is almost middle of the afternoon, when a flapping of wings wake him up, the bed is still warm yet the room feels chilly, with a snap of his fingers the King of Hell gets dressed. His phone rings announcing an incoming message. The demons are probably calling him, obligations are calling. He has to go back to his hell and wonder when this dream would repeat itself, if it even happen. He grabs his phone prepared to scream to whoever is on the other line bothering him.  
“Until next time.” The message reads, only a number for a sender, but he knows who is it, and a smile reaches his eyes. It feels like a victory, even if it's a small one. He looks at his phone and saves it under The Angel. His demons call. He has to deal with his mother, his mother, his day was going so good until he remember her. He thinks on going to visit the kid on the dinner, get a deal out of him, there is always need for good coffee and pie, but maybe later there is no need for it now. He looks at the bed, how long would he have to wait this time, with a snap of his finger he leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always Thanks


	4. Venus Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leave all behind now to watch her crawl  
> Through out dark gardens of insanity  
> She'll be the light to guide you back home  
> Just give her a kiss worth dying for  
> And open your arms...  
> Watch me fall for you

He feels the soft buzzing near his head and wakes him up. He reaches for the damn thing, and winces when the offending light hist his eyes. It take him a few seconds to be awake enough to manage to open the screen the message is blinking, waiting for him, it could be any one even his mother since she has insisted on joining the world with technology. He opens it ans smiles.-”Good morning.”  
He blinks again and turns closing his eyes trying to wake up a little more slowly, his brain finally awakens and he remembers about the message. Grabs the phone again only to make sure is still there the message remains unchanged -”Good Morning”- He smiles again and now he is worried since when is he smiling like an utter idiot at a message that is most probably not for him.  
“Morning,”- He types back, and nos he panicking what if indeed it was not for him, what if... A soft buzzing interrupts his thoughts, and now he is terrified.  
“Did you had a restful night?” -Now he knows there is no way that the messages are for him, why would he even bother on asking no one has ever.  
“Yes I did, how was yours.”- He is now laying on his back, getting up has been moved to the bottom of his list.   
“Not so good, I slept, but am still tired, weird thing this.”- He stares at the phone and wonder if it will be to forward if he just makes himself appear in Castiel's room, he wants to hug him to tell him that it would be alright, that he wants to help make things better. He looks at the clock and calculates the time is almost noon where Castiel's is.  
“You would get it eventually, have you eaten already? Are you still with the Winchesters?”  
“Is too difficult, I feel like a hybrid. Have all these human emotions and feelings and am still an Angel is confusing at times and so frustrating. Yes, I ate. Had a sandwich. Also no, am by myself, researching.” - He feels a little triumph here Castiel could have call anyone and yet he calls him.  
“Like I said give it time.” - he gets a smile face as a reply, and although he is confused by it, it makes him happy enough to deal with the rest of his day.  
…  
“What do you think is better cinnamon or menthol.” -Crowley is in a middle of a meeting with the court when the message arrives he stares at it with confusion, trying hard to understand, he is about to give up when the second arrives - “Am picking up toothpaste.”  
“Menthol”- He writes fast, hoping no one has noticed. Bad idea that one he spends the whole afternoon thinking who Castiel mouth will taste with menthol toothpaste.  
The messages become regular, are now the first thing in the morning the last thing at night. Every one notices the way Crowley's phone is never far from him, how it doesn't ring anymore, he believes none will notice that way, the first one to say something about is Guthrie. Crowley looks at him in a way that say “I will skin you if you dare make a comment.” second one is his mother who mocks him saying she can believe his son is so popular that he can no longer take his eyes away fro the phone. He ignores the comment and walks out of the room.  
…  
The buzzing wakes him up just like any other morning, the only differences is that is only two in the morning and Castiel had said he was tired and going to sleep a few hours ago. He open the message in a hurry blinking at the brightness of the screen. - “I don't feel good.” - He sits on the bed thinking of a million of possibilities and meaning that message can have.  
“What happened?”- his heart is pounding.  
“I just trow up and I cannot stop shaking.”   
“Where are you? “- He types but does not sends it instead he snaps his finger getting dresses up, second snap and and he is in the middle of Castiel's room.   
“What are you doing here, I am fine... I feel better.”-A blind man would see that he is indeed not good.  
“Listen stubborn Angel, am here and I am going to take care of you like it or not.” A snap pf his finger and a blue vile appears on his hands. Castiel looks at him in a refusing way. - “Now don't be fuzzy and take it, you don't need to know where is from, just take it as I said before your hands are clean.”-They are no longer at the hotel but in Crowley's room The grace invades his body repairing the damage and even though is helping is a long process, Crowley can leave know, Castiel would be good enough by morning. He sheds his clothes and get in to bed, cradling Cas in his arms.  
“I really suck at this.”  
“Now don't say that, remember you are a warrior of the lord. Have some self respect.”  
Castiel snorts at the comment, but make no intent to move free.- “Why are you here really?”- He leans in to Crowley's warm.  
“Because you need me, no one has ever need me.” - He wishes Castiel would stay. He wishes morning never comes, even if it he means not getting the morning message, that wakes him up every day. He has the real thing in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks


	5. Beautiful Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to forget about the past  
> To wash away what happened last  
> Hide behind an empty face  
> Don't ask too much the same  
> 'Cause this is just a game

Autumn is upon them, the golden leaves break and crunch around his steps. The long path stretches in front of him. He keeps his head up while he walks away, there is no point on going back, everything is left unsaid, there are beyond words, he feels the soft breeze hitting his face reminding of soft kisses against his face just a few hours ago, it plays along with his hair just like soft hands had. He walk a few more steps and then with a snap of his fingers he disappears.

“Such a beautiful lie to believe in, so beautiful… beautiful...”

 

He has been waiting quite along time, when the awaited knock on the door finally comes. There are no need fro greetings, questions are overrated, words fall short. He takes what he needs, and gives more than he actually has. The Angel is greedy as always, taking, and demanding pleasure. Their time is short as before but now there is feeling that this would be the last time from both of them. The Angel stretches on top of him, and he gets the view that most will kill for, the only blemish on the porcelain body are the sigils tattooed on one side of his ribs, aside of that the body is work of art. He makes him work for complexion, makes sure the Angel knows who is in charge right now, soft lies coming out of his mouth, or at least the demon like to believe they are lies. Complexion comes and so are the wings, he is not allow to touch them, but he cannot help to gasp every time he sees them. They are the color of his hair creating a shadow that surrounds the ivory skin. A soft feather falls near his face, and he takes notice of it.  
The angel is breathing hard, open mouthed still on top of him, shocks of his orgasm still quivering his body, every shock send electricity to the demon who closes his eyes wondering how is he going to walk away this time. The angels falls to the side, eyes close, one of his leg still on top of the demon, softly whispering soft word on his ears. One last kiss, just one more before everything turns dark.  
The demon hands shake when he pushes the Angel away, gather his clothes and takes his time dressing, he gives up and takes the last look at the body lying on the bed, the wings are gone, only the feather remains, he grabs it and places it on his pocket. Without a word he exits.

"Everyone's looking at me  
I'm running 'round in circles  
Plagued with a quiet desperation's building higher  
I've got to remember this is just a game "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always... Thanks


	6. Lost In Paradise

Crowley has managed to corner him, his back almost melting with the wall, hot breaths against his skin, making him shiver. A hand is curiously crawling under his pants, while lips keep whispering promises in enochinan in between kisses against his jaw. His eyes are closed, his breathing uneven, he should be thinking of escaping or smiting the demon. He should be thinking of the good of humanity. He should be thinking of strategies to defeat Raphael, help his brothers and yet his mind can only think on how those hands seem to be worship him. The demon is taking his time undressing him as if giving a change to escape, but really where will he go at this point, they have a deal. His shirt is open and Crowley seems content with attacking his collarbone, while his hands slick his member.  
“Are you in flagrante with the King of Hades?” The question keeps coming back to him on a loop and he feels disgusted, however not because for the reasons everyone would like to believe. He had wanted to replied a firm no, and yet his heart, his treacherous heart could only come out with a weak answer. He feels Crowley shift his head heading south, his eyes still close if he opens them, then it means all this is true, the deals, his actions, the betrayals… How would he face everything even if he is doing it for the right reasons, at this point the rate is too high and it only keeps going up. Crowley takes him in to his mouth making him moan feeling the smirk on the lips of the demon.  
“Are you in flagrante with the King of Hades?” How many times since their deal began, how many times more till it ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks


	7. Give me your broken lips, I want to kiss them, I’m going to heal them.

The first they kiss is because of a deal, is not like it was actually necessary for them to kiss for God's sake, they were an Angel and demon they both fully knew the implications of the deal they were signing. Still Crowley throw at the table the “Now we kiss” and waited for the punch to his face that never came. what did came were soft lips brushing against his, the heart of the meat suit he was occupying stated to jump like a teenager. He did not realize that he had closed his eyes, until he open them to find Castiel staring.

 

The second time Castiel kisses him they had just got a lead on one of the portals. Castiel is so happy with the news that hugs him. It petrifies him, the smell of the coat goes through his nostrils and finds home on his lungs. The specter of Castiel vessel attach to his haunts him all day. And every time he closes his eyes he can feel Castiel lips on his, it was no longer a soft brush, but more open and wet definitely wet. He wasn't to compare it to another but he cannot, it makes him feel weird, clean even and yet he has the feeling as if he had stole something. 

 

The third one is rough, is not necessarily the third time Castiel had kiss him, but this kiss is different; is all anger in rage, tongue and biting, is Castiel putting limits and showing him who is the boss. He feels weirdly aroused because even if he love gentle Castiel, dark Castiel shifts the floor beneath his feet. He is caught between a wall and a hard body. He no longer cares about winning. If it means his Castiel would win he would happily relinquish even Hell. His Castiel, he now smirks at the memory, he could have easily fixed the broken wall; however he keeps it as a reminder of what happens when you are foolish enough to put your heart on a table.

 

The fourth kiss is complicated, they haven't seen each other in so long. They are no longer the same ones, some one would say they have grow, mature even. Even though they have one thing in common or human in common they are both helping for different reasons. Crowley get to see the faithful Castiel again, the one who would move mountains in order to save his cause. There's a twist on the equation and Castiel is almost human, Crowley has been there and almost human means feelings, regrets and mostly guilt. He sees it on the Angel's eyes, and he wants to wipe it away, he waits for Cas to recover, for Hanna to go away. And simply kisses him just because he can. He feels Castiel freeze at the contact but he doesn't pull away it reminds him of the first kiss and he hopes that there is may be hope still for them. He pulls away to find Castiel with his eyes closed still savoring the kiss, and he wants to grab him and go for another one, but as always there is something else on the line and time is pressure them to pull apart.

 

Things will change, there will always be something or someone trying to tear them apart. the difference is that now there are deals sealed with the most intimate kisses. Vows whispered under covers in the middle of the night. Contracts written in their skin. Morning messages and good night kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks


	8. Mommy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has taken to disappear every once in a while, Rowena worries or more like she gets pissed...

She walks the halls of hell, everyone hates her not that she cares, but still some love would be good if it will means she will get the information she requires. She had set the title right on her head “mother of the King” a king that about now is missing, and no one wants to tell her where he go. I he left with those Winchesters... Oh if he did, he is going to have an earful and some. She did not raise a king so he could be the errand boy of some hunters. So far she has tried everything, even lowering herself to bribery but no, no one would talk. Last time she saw him once on dinner time, well she had dinner, he sat with a bore look on his face, not losing sight of his watch. Then he was gone.

She doesn't find him until almost a day after, there he is sitting on his throne giving orders with a pleasant smile on his face, one that tells her he did something she will frown upon. She asks, he avoids her with a simple wave of his hand and little smirk. He was busy he says, and her anger raises. He was after all running with those boys, what would it take to make him understand that is not the behavior of a King. She could hear the snickering behind her back, oh one day she will get rid of all of them, she throws a tantrum and exits the room, for a week or so everything runs normal the meetings, the deals, their relationship is almost a family on Friday he disappears again.

This time she is furious, she caught a sight of him answering a call, could not figure out who was but she can bet all her witchcraft knowledge that she knows the name behind that call. She doesn't even bother to find out anymore she goes to bed early and start crafting a plan to confront him. The next day she finds him again on the throne room, looking at deals, taking care of his reign with a tired look, but a satisfied smile plastered on his face. She doesn't like it, not a bit. Almost three weeks pass by without incidents, everything seems normal, well almost everything the longer the weeks go the bitter he turns. He barely notices what is he doing, he just overlook things or delays chores to others, the first week the eat dinner together the second week he avoids her entirely.

They are in the middle of the third week, when he is gone again. His chamber is out her limits which she knows is a ruse, because he is not even in there; he is somewhere out playing with those boys again. She guard the door waiting to confront him when he makes it back, gets rid of the useless guard at the door and changes her plan to wait inside. She opens the door using her magic so not to be heard, also because she is pissed, the sight she caught makes her breathing stop, her brain takes a time to register what she saw but they were mostly feathers black ones, she is about to scream thinking that Crowley is being attack when the softest moans are the only noise in the room; she had been to plenty orgies to know that is not the sound of someone being attacked. She makes her exit without being noticed, a blush and goosebumps are crawling her skin. She wakes up early and finds him once more on the throne room silly smile plastered on his face, and now she just hates that silly smile. He asks what has crawled under her skirt and she wants to confront him, give him a new one, but that will only get her being thrown out. Now is not the time, she will find out who that is eventually, and make his life Hell.


	9. Two Beds And A Coffee Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired on these:  
> "Another ditch in the road  
> keep moving  
> another stop sign  
> you keep moving on  
> and the years go by so fast  
> silent fortress built to last" SG

He lays on his bed, eyes open, the brother are sleeping already, the whole commotion and mostly the not knowing what awaits the next day. According to Dean the unleashed The darkness, he doesn't remember it was before his time so there is not much he can do. Dean insisted on him using the bed, while he piles by Sam side. There is a lot to be done, Crowley. He doesn't want to go there and yet, he is there already, Crowley had disappeared as soon as Castile had recover at least his basic senses, the look on his eyes the same one, spoke volumes between the two of them.  
“Castiel… Please… Don't...” He does not remember the when those words had been said there just a ghost on his mind, neither does he remember launching himself at Crowley with killer intent, it is more like watching a movie, he sees the actions. He cannot believe is him. He hears Crowley trying to talk to him to make him come back in between stabbings, but is only noise and static going up to his blurry brain. Crowley for some reason, Castiel can only think on self preservation as answer at this point, had learned a contra spell, it doesn't work at his best though, just clears a bit the static on Castiel brain long enough for him not to kill Crowley, he stands there pretty much about to stab Crowley one last time, the other stuck on to the floor, breathing and bleeding hard. Without Castiel stabbing at him, Crowley looks for a proper way to get unstuck, he surprises himself when he finally gets it, Castiel is silently watching him, killer intent gone shame taking residence on those eyes now. “It wasn't your fault.” There is no need for the whisper, but somehow he knows Cas is so down in the gutter right now regular voice won't do anything. “Castiel…” He tries once more taking time to analyze the state of his clothes, the other one does not respond yet, eyes glued on some point on the nearest wall. “Hey is said it was not your fault.” He gets near to help him up, never does the Angel look more fragile than right now. He pulls him up not actually waiting for the other to cooperate.  
“I tried to kill you… Again.”   
“Well, did you succeeded?” poor attempt of a joke, but he needs it he needs to show the Angel that they are both fine, that there is almost nothing to worry.  
“I… I don't know what to say.”  
“A simple thanks will suffix.” His attempts are getting nowhere, the Angel still wears a sad face, the world had seem to go to quiet for his liking, those stupid boys what have they done now. 'on your defense, I believe I should apologize for my mother, she can be a...”  
“Bitch...” Castiel interrupts him, in a grave tone.  
“Well you said it… but yes.” A small smile forms on Castiel and Crowley would get his victories from where he can. “How come she got you?” The smile disappears while Castiel passes a hand a cross his face in a tiered manner.  
“My grace is too low, is like having low immunity.”  
“So she got you like a virus...”   
Crowley jokes at the severity of Castiel look, a small drop of blood is trailing down his face, the eyes of the Angel follow it. Without hesitation he throws caution to the wind, pulling the Angel to him, he feels Castiel gasping in surprise, who cares if he gets smitten at this point, he was ready to dye a few minutes ago. He waits for it, the blade, a shove, anything that say no; instead he feels Castiel kissing back slowly savoring him, warm engulfing his nonexistent heart. He wants to put a name to it, and the only word that keeps coming to mind is Deja Vu, long time ago he had those kisses, long time he felt like he could surrender everything to the Angel. Where are his walls those that so long to build up, Castiel had place his hands between the two of them still not pushing away more holding him in place. Crowley pulls away to slowly only to make Castile advance forward eyes closed missing the contact. Insert joke here he thinks, that's what had happened the first time, this time however, he goes for a second kissing starting on his mouth across his jaw trailing up to his ear, he is about to say something but he has never been one of sweet words, when the hot breathing of Castiel hits him on his own ear, a soft “Ahh”, that is meant only for him, and then he heard them, foot steps approaching, hears Dean calling the Angels name, so they managed to survived more great news.   
Time is up he pulls away from Castiel who gives him a confused look followed by an embarrassed one at the sound of Dean more nearer, the demons smiles is good to know he can still make the demon blush, with a snap of his finger he disappears, leaving Castiel face red to explain everything to the Winchester's  
…  
He hears Dean shift on his bed, Castiel sympathizes is probably a long time since he can truly sleep. I thought assaults him his pinning for a demon. Is he ready to replay this game, what was Crowley thinking on his defense Crowley never thinks he acts, but what about him is not like offer any resistance, he welcome the kiss and is now keeping him awake. He stares at the light coming in through the small gap in the curtains, dawn is coming. The world still too quiet and it worries him, he hears a long snore coming from Sam. He shifts uncomfortable on the bed, may be he should go for a walk to clear his head, not a wise idea. He finds his phone noticing a new entry on his contacts list, just a capital C, with a red crown as profile photo. His fingers feel tempt to just call and ask, but what exactly does he want to know, what if the other was just playing around, just a spirit of the moment thing, what if Crowley found out of his feelings, what if… His head starts to hurt now, closing his phone he buries it on the deep of his stain jacket, turning the TV on as a distraction.  
Morning finds him, reclined against the headboard of the bed eyes closed phone on his hand. Sam is on the bathroom, Dean is complaining that they slept in, his stomach is grumbling. They take the road towards the Bunker, every ditch on the road reminds him how far is he getting from his answers, every stop sign that Crowley is just a call away…

…  
He appears in the middle of his throne room causing a small reckon along his minions, they are mostly worried his health, his fake worried about his suit. That Angel has a way of getting into his skin, he thinks pushing away the thought with grimace, just what on earth was he thinking, no correct that he was not thinking, that stupid spell his mother used must have turned his brain into poop for a few seconds… To actually reach for Castiel, to kiss him, too having him kiss back; no he must have imagined all that. That is it his brain played a trick on his and no more, he need a bath, he need something to take away the gooey feeling he has inside, someone to step on it so he can continue as if nothing has happen.  
He sent them away, two perfectly good looking bodies offering to himself, in exchange of pleasure. He sent them away and is now laying on his bed contemplating his phone, what had gone wrong. His death at the hands of Sam Winchester was supposed to clean him of these feelings that attempt to make him human. Tracing his steps back the scene plays on his head it was not passion, more likely compulsion or need, yeah need is a better word to put it. He thought he was going to die he needed comfort, no that was not it he lies to himself. Thinking of Castiel's soft look on his face when he had pull away from the kiss, the sweetness on his lips, the moan that went straight to his core, and all that could have been and never will.

**Author's Note:**

> As always thanks


End file.
